being close to someone does not mean that you're being close to her. sometimes the actions you take may even distance yourself from her. i care for her, but this makes me equal to annoying as well as when you care too much, you does things which is annoying to someone. therefore she will be afraid of you, and you of course suffer as well, being ignored or being avoided.
i'm being only a meter away from the person i love, but the amounts of words she talk to me is even lesser then the one's she smsing. she's avoiding, and i don't know why and i can't do anything bout it. i don't know what went wrong but it hurts knowing you're so close to her but you also know the distance in your relationship is going further as well.
may the lord bless me, i had lost my way and i don't know where the light is anymore. where should i head for?
yesterday, a friend asked me, "do you loved her that's why you keep pursuing for her or is it because your pride wont let go of her?" well, i think of it for the whole night and i finally know that i really do love her and i keep on pursuing is not because of my pride.
my friend then ask me another question, "if you continue on, both of you will suffer. she will be afraid of you and she'll avoid you. you will suffer from being avoided." a question of fact where i know this. but i do not accept it. i know i'm being selfish here but, it just seems that my heart won't let her go for now.
the friend then told me that the consequences to all these may leads to a destroyed friendship in the future. i'm afraid this would happen as well, i thought of it countless of times but my heart kept lying to myself. lie to myself that there's hope. lie to myself that there's still a slight chance of light.
at this point, i'm confused. confused on what should i do next. what can i do next. but all i know is that i love her. now, and even in the future.
but i know as well, i'm lying to myself.
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