(best motivation ever.)

i woke up in the morning with a motivation i mind, that is to call you knowing that i can hear your voice early in the morning is the best motivation ever before examination starts. Sounds flattering ya? but this is what i felt this morning :)

had my 2nd last paper but i didn't feel any anxiety all, in fact i feel that i kinda will miss this place here. the morning breeze, the cycling, the mountain etc. etc. even though lots of bad occurrence happened here, but i'm left with plenty of beautiful memories as well.

i'm sure i will miss you much. :(

(so near yet so far.)

being close to someone does not mean that you're being close to her. sometimes the actions you take may even distance yourself from her. i care for her, but this makes me equal to annoying as well as when you care too much, you does things which is annoying to someone. therefore she will be afraid of you, and you of course suffer as well, being ignored or being avoided.

i'm being only a meter away from the person i love, but the amounts of words she talk to me is even lesser then the one's she smsing. she's avoiding, and i don't know why and i can't do anything bout it. i don't know what went wrong but it hurts knowing you're so close to her but you also know the distance in your relationship is going further as well.

may the lord bless me, i had lost my way and i don't know where the light is anymore. where should i head for?

yesterday, a friend asked me, "do you loved her that's why you keep pursuing for her or is it because your pride wont let go of her?" well, i think of it for the whole night and i finally know that i really do love her and i keep on pursuing is not because of my pride.

my friend then ask me another question, "if you continue on, both of you will suffer. she will be afraid of you and she'll avoid you. you will suffer from being avoided." a question of fact where i know this. but i do not accept it. i know i'm being selfish here but, it just seems that my heart won't let her go for now.

the friend then told me that the consequences to all these may leads to a destroyed friendship in the future. i'm afraid this would happen as well, i thought of it countless of times but my heart kept lying to myself. lie to myself that there's hope. lie to myself that there's still a slight chance of light.

at this point, i'm confused. confused on what should i do next. what can i do next. but all i know is that i love her. now, and even in the future.

but i know as well, i'm lying to myself.

(slack, slacking, slacker.)

i'm slacking again. damn, i'm supposed to be doing tons and tons of maths exercises and not be touching my computer! wasted my time on a few things today.

bought post-it to stick on my room's wall.
hopes it motivates me every morning i stares at it.


took a pic of today's moon, crescent shaped.
ramadhan's crescent moon?

others include:
basketball, staring in front of the computer, writing this etc.

well, i think people slack when they are stressed up. hope tomorrow i don't freak out or panic. god bless me :(

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Had the most touching breakfast yesterday. it spells out 100, 100 for my Quantitative Techniques 1 & 2.

sausage and eggs
100 for my QTs!

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i know you wouldn't be reading this anytime soon
but its the thought that counts rite?

(remembering 11th september.)

"no one truly deserve to be taken away from their loved ones."

(respect) + (kiasu) = change

i don't know bout this but i will learn to respect others more from now on and be less of a sore loser from now on. i don't know how much i can change but i'll try my best.

"Change for the better and not the worst." -anonymous

(the ugly truth.)

was browsing the tons of topics in various forums and i found 2 articles which made me realized a whole lot bunch of stuff. man, is depressing to know the truth but i think it's time for me to wake up from months of self-delusion.

1. Persistance WILL NOT work for everyone!
2. If you THINK both of you have "a thing" going on., Think again..

thumbs up for evangelistica for telling everyone bout the ugly truth. well, you got me out of my delusional heaven.

note to self:
1. don't fucking degrade yourself.
2. don't fantasize and think too much.
3. mind comes before the heart, think rationally and act accordingly.
4. read back those two articles from time to time, to remind yourself.
5. never put in 100% or more on others, unless its your best friend or girlfriend.

to-do list:
1. pass all my papers this semester. got to study more! (and not sitting in front of the computer as of now!)
2. sharpens writing and photography technique.
3. be happy! go out for basketball or take some photos of your surroundings! whatever it does, just be happy! eat sometime ftw.
4. guitar guitar guitar.
5. try to update this blog from time to time. (don't let it die as the previous blogs attempt)

not forgetting, get a job which you can put your passion into and earn lots of $!


"it's never to late to wake up from your delusions, just don't let it happen again."

(i'm no superman.)

woke up to the most touching breakfast ever. Here's a song to share.

"i'm no superman, i hope you've love me the way i'm"